Because Life Goes On - Helping Children and Youth Live with Separation and Divorce

Table of contents

• Acknowledgements
• Send us your feedback on Because Life Goes On…
• Section 1 – Introduction
  • How Because Life Goes On … Can Help You and Your Children
  • Every Situation Is Unique
  • If You’re Worried About Safety
  • How to Use This Resource
  • Separation: The Cascading Changes for Children
  • A Word About the Language of Separation or Divorce
  • Family Law: Where to Turn for Information and Guidance
• Section 2 – Taking Care of Yourself: Inside and Out
  • Taking Care of Your Mental and Physical Health
  • Some Tips for Reducing, Preventing and Coping with Stress
  • Understanding How Our History Has Shaped Our Parenting
  • Learning to Let Go of Anger
    • Three Key Steps
  • Learning Important Lessons from the Past
• Section 3 – Communicating and Connecting with Your Children
  • Looking at Separation Through the Eyes of Your Child
    • Infants and Young Toddlers
    • Younger Children
    • Preteens and Teenagers
  • What I Want from My Parents: An Unspoken Wish List
  • Talking to Your Children About Your Separation and Preparing Them for Change
  • Expect Tears, Protests and Lots of Questions
  • Give Your Children a Voice
  • Looking Through the Eyes of a Young Person
  • Communicating Effectively with Children, Preteens and Teenagers
• Section 4 – Protecting Children from Conflict
  • Impact of Parental Conflict on Children
  • Understanding Conflict
  • Some Tips to Help You Reduce Conflict with Your Ex-Partner
  • Differences Between a Hard and a Soft Start-Up
  • Understanding Anger
    • Skillful Handling of Anger
  • Preventing Impulsive Decisions or Actions: “The 24-Hour Rule”
    • Identify Negative Thought Patterns That Trigger Your Anger
• Section 5 – Parenting Practices: Raising Resilient Children
  • What Is Resilience?
  • Good Parenting Protects Children from Risk
  • Get Connected with Your Provincial Resources
  • Warm, Enthusiastic and Firm
  • A Checklist for Authoritative Parenting
  • Match Your Expectations to Your Child’s Temperament
  • Attend to Your Children’s Sense of Identity and Belonging
    • What You Can Do
  • Acknowledge Your Child’s Perspective and Empathize
  • Spend Some Special Time with Each Child
  • Encourage Play and Recreation
  • Focus on Effort
  • What Parents Can Do to Help Children at Every Age
  • Maintain Your Child’s Community of Support
  • What Grandparents – and Close Relatives and Friends – Can Do
  • Use Discipline to Teach
  • Teaching Your Children to Resolve Conflict
  • Dealing with Your Children’s Anger
    • Tip #1: Stay Calm
    • Tip #2: Increase Emotional Awareness
    • Tip #3: Accept Feelings and Redirect Angry Actions
    • Tip #4: Use Clear and Consistent Consequences to Limit Aggressive Behaviour
    • Tip #5: Above all, don’t take it personally
• Section 6 – Moving Forward: From a Couple to Co-Parents
  • Children Want and Need Both Parents in Their Lives
  • Fathers Also Play an Important Role
  • What Is Family Mediation?
  • “Getting to Yes” for the Children
  • “I Do” Agree to Co-Parent
  • Choosing the Best Option for Reaching Agreements
  • A Parenting Plan: The Co-Parenting Management Tool
  • When Cooperative Co-Parenting Seems Impossible – Parallel Parenting
  • Cooperative Parenting vs. Parallel Parenting
• Section 7 – Helping Children at Every Age
  • A Child’s Age and Stage of Development Make a Difference
  • Infants and Toddlers
  • Typical Behaviours, Developmental Issues and Signs of Stress
    • What You Can Do
  • Preschoolers (3–5 years)
    • Typical Behaviours and Developmental Issues
  • What Is “Temperament”?
    • Reactions to Stress
    • What You Can Do
  • Help Make Transitions Easier for Children
    • When Your Child Leaves
    • When Your Child Returns
  • Early Elementary School Children (6–8 years)
    • Typical Behaviours and Developmental Issues
    • Communication Is Important
    • Signs of Stress
    • What You Can Do
  • “Virtual” Parenting
  • Pre-teens (9–12 years)
  • What Happens Next ?
    • Typical Behaviours and Developmental Issues
    • Signs of Stress
    • What You Can Do
  • Teenagers (13–17 years)
    • Typical Behaviours and Developmental Issues
    • Signs of Stress
    • What You Can Do
• Section 8 – Special Issues and Concerns
  • When a Child Is Abandoned
    • What You Can Do
  • When a Child Rejects One Parent
    • The Characteristics of a Child Who Unreasonably Rejects a Parent
    • What You Can Do
  • When There Is Violence in the Home
    • What You Can Do
  • What Children Need to Hear About Family Violence
    • When You Suspect Child Abuse
• Section 9 – New Relationships, Dating and Blended Families
  • Remember What All Children Need Regardless of Age
  • When Parents Start Dating
    • Dating Again: Cautions and Tips
  • New and Blended Families
  • Stepfamily vs. Blended Family
    • Blending Families: Skills and Strategies for Success
  • Children Adjust Differently - by Age and Gender
• Section 10 – Conclusion
  • Because Life Goes On …
• Section 11 – Resources
  • Linking You to What You Need
  • An Internet Site You’ll Want to Know About
  • What Do I Do When …
    • I need to find quality care
    • I’m looking for local support or assistance
    • I have financial needs
    • I’m considering getting back together as a couple
    • I need legal services and information
    • I want to connect with family law services in my province or territory
    • I can’t afford legal services
    • I want recommendations on books or articles on parenting after separation, step parenting, blended families, or other topics
    • I want recommendations on books or websites that are appropriate for children and youth
    • One parent is moving away. What should I do?
    • I’m looking for more general information on adult and child health, mental health and well-being
    • My family is experiencing violence
• Online Resources